I didn’t do my usual holiday
thing this year. I bought a tree but did not decorate it. I bought presents,
but didn’t wrap most of them…just gave them out to people with a sheepish smile
and a shrug. I didn’t make my usual holiday goodies or cover my home in decorations.
I did not even send out cards. For me, a Cancer Sun/Libra Rising, in the past I
would have associated this behavior with a breakdown or some other catastrophic
event.
However, I went to more
holiday parties, drank more egg nog played more holiday music and wished more
people “Happy Holidays” than I ever have before. This made me far happier than
an organized holiday or falling in with my usual pattern.
This NYE I have found myself
with a chest cold, a messy home and an untrimmed tree I need to put out on New
Year’s day, since my partner and I are leaving for a 2 week trip to Europe the
night of the 1st. I won’t be able to clean my house the way I
usually do in order to harken the New Year. I won’t be able to smudge my home
with sage since my throat is sore, I still have to pack and I won’t be able to
make my traditional NYE meal of Pork, Black Eyed Peas, Yellow Rice, Sweet
Potatoes and Greens. Nope, this year I’m going to order in Chinese for most of
these items (it is possible).
Instead of a house cleaning,
I feel my cold is bringing on a soul cleaning. I had a dream last night where I
had made amends with each and every person who has ever broken my heart; I have
become estranged from or have drifted away from. The scene of the dream was a
carnival…One of my very favorite things. I can’t get on my hands and knees and
scrub my kitchen floor, so instead I’m letting the chest cold clear out my
heart chakra, I’m letting me feel my human-ness and the fact that no, I am not
fucking super woman no matter what I pretend.
My life has changed…but more
so, my whole perspective has evolved.
Instead I sit, and send out
love to all those I have ever loved and those I will love in the future. I sit
and plan a trip with my beloved that we are so eager for.
I sit and embrace the enforced stillness...
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